It was the sweetest goodbye

Leaving home this past Sunday was by far the most difficult departure yet. BIG SALTY TEARS and a constant mutter of "Why didn't I get into UCLA" on top of a sense of dread for the workload about to hit me. I'm starting to resent Skype, airports, phone calls and texts because they all allude to the fact that I'm not there and they're not here. Every time I leave it feels like an ice cream scoop out of my heart and a lump the size of LORDKNOWSWHAT in my throat. Where's NaiyaKanikaAakashParthCocoHershCousinsFriendsFamily? How did I get here and why does it hurt so much? Tomorrow is a 12-hour day for me in the freezing cold. I don't know if I want to be an RA next year or not. Pros: a strong resume and free room & board and I don't have to look for a job...Con: super busy, can't go home as often and I have to find a job/internship. I just don't know anymore.