Day Fades to Night

When you can't sleep
you're never fully awake, either.
Everything and every experience seems
like it's just a part of
ONE LONG DAY.

I've seen the sun set
and I've seen it rise
so many times that it's
as if the sky only
blinks.

My mind is constantly moving.
My head feels so dense
it could fall over.
It's amazing how there's so much to think about,
yet I can't grasp one single thought.

There's a perennial hummmm
and a lull that can't leave-
Time is only spent waiting till
my next break.
Man, do I need a break.

ELEVEN

HELLO eleven months with the bofrend.


You know, many people ask me how I can be in a long distance relationship and still consider it a real relationship. WELL to all you skeptics, imagine every relationship you've ever been in and remove the physical aspect of it. How many nights did you stay up late and just talk to one another? How many letters did you send to each other? Did you cherish and take advantage of every minute you were next to each other? Did you really get to know the other person (their background, family life, likes/dislikes, etc) or were you too distracted with fooling around? Just imagine a relationship where there's no drama or question of whether you really love one another, a relationship where you truly know the person and can communicate anything because you realize when an argument is bullshit or real and when it's time to just suck it up and pay attention to how committed you are.
Doesn't sound so bad now, does it?
I mean, don't get me wrong. It's miserable not being able to hold him every night and breathe in his scent. But at least I am constantly reminded of why I love him and how much he means to me. Because time and time again I realize it's all worth it. I know it's real and he knows it's real and that's all the reality I need (:


Like one lovely miss rachel dejesus pointed out: I'm too busy thinkin about my baby

Dear John

"What does it mean to truly love another?...But no matter what was going on in our lives, I could imagine lying beside her in bed at the end of the day, holding her while we talked and laughed, lost in each other's arms."


"and when we kissed if felt as if I'd been put back together after spending a year cut in half."


Don't read Dear John by Nicholas Sparks if you're in a long distance relationship

...unless, of course, you WANT to be depressed.

It was the sweetest goodbye

Leaving home this past Sunday was by far the most difficult departure yet. BIG SALTY TEARS and a constant mutter of "Why didn't I get into UCLA" on top of a sense of dread for the workload about to hit me. I'm starting to resent Skype, airports, phone calls and texts because they all allude to the fact that I'm not there and they're not here. Every time I leave it feels like an ice cream scoop out of my heart and a lump the size of LORDKNOWSWHAT in my throat. Where's NaiyaKanikaAakashParthCocoHershCousinsFriendsFamily? How did I get here and why does it hurt so much? Tomorrow is a 12-hour day for me in the freezing cold. I don't know if I want to be an RA next year or not. Pros: a strong resume and free room & board and I don't have to look for a job...Con: super busy, can't go home as often and I have to find a job/internship. I just don't know anymore.

Hello 2010

It's amazing what it feels like to be in love.

This overwhelming feeling makes me get butterflies; MAN I'm terrified that it will all go away.


If tonight is my last, I want to spend it with you.